So I am back ...

shit/yay/herewecomeagain

I have found you again ana, 

so take that all. 

i will be skinny. 

i will be beautiful.

i will wear what i want and when i walk by, the girls will stare me down with their jealous eyes.

wishing they knew my secret.

the parental units and just-want-to-helps stuffed me back up to beyond mega whale. and i discust myself. 

but soon- i will be back.

i will go down down down. 

i will make it to double digits. 

purple.

yay. 

the happyness is back! i went bra shopping today, with the best friend. 

im happy with my boyfriend :) he says sweet things. 

he probably wouldnt hurt a fly.

he laughs

he smiles

he is cheerful

i am happy to be around him.

i miss him when hes not around. in a healthy way.

not like you.

i obsessed over you for two years. 

nothing was good enough without your stamp of approval. 

when we were not speaking the sight of you was

 a punch in the gut/losingmybreath/heartbreakalloveragain. 

i dont have to see you anymore

i dont have to feel those nasty feelings.

i am learning to forget, you are no longer on my mind 24/7. 

i am happy without you (HAPPY,DAMNIT)

but the truth is...

your still the last thing on my mind as i drift to sleep.

i still wakeup screaming, crying, missing you

... im still in love with you. 

the other truth?

i think ive become strong enough to deal with it. 

i can bury you deep inside. 

i can think about you without punishing myself for losing you.

and i no longer have to scare the shit out of my friends. they dont notice the pain anymore. 

so HAH! take that. 

i am strong, i am beautiful, and you CANNOT. RUIN. MY. LIFE

I>YOU.